Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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