I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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