Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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