So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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