People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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