You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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