My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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