There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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