For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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