Did I show you my penis last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
God, I missed his penis.
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