I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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