she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Farmville is her only friend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My penis needs a shock collar
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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