There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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