I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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