You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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