I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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