So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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