Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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