feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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