does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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