My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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