note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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