So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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