god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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