she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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