i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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