Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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