dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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