My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
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I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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