I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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