"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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