these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ketchup is God's man juice
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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