her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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