I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize