Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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