girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
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I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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