guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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