I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just cut my nipple shaving
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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