everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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