you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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