i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize