I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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