FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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