i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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