I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize