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yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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