dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize