My room smells like vodka and shame
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
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I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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