mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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