I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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